The Craft of the Secure Base Coach Enabling Transition

Introduction – It will happen, but it will take time  Glossary  Part 1: Being a secure base coach  1. Life is shaping transition  2. Guiding from professional proximity  3. Real change takes place at the level of identity  4. Emotions get you in motion  5. Your body holds the source for change  6. In dialogue, change is made real  Part 2: The practice of secure base coaching  7. Contact and welcome  8. Attachment and resilience  9. Bonding and intimacy  10. Loss and separation  11. Grief and integration  12. Meaning and calling 

Biography

Jakob van Wielink is an international leadership coach and trainer. He is a pioneer in the application of secure base thinking to coaching, therapy and counselling. Jakob is the initiator and founding partner at The School for Transition and an affiliate of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition.

Klaartje van Gasteren is an international leadership trainer and coach. She is a shining light in the leadership development of organizations, (executive) teams and professionals. Klaartje is a partner at The School for Transition.

Marnix Reijmerink is a founding partner in The School for Transition. He works internationally as a coach and trainer with teams, organizations and their leaders. Marnix also trains fellow coaches and trainers in working with individuals and teams.

Anne Verbokkem-Oerlemans is a leadership coach and trainer specializing in the embodiment of the craft of the secure base coach. She is also a supervisor for fellow coaches and trainers and an affiliate of the School of Transition.

Leo Wilhelm is an executive in the Dutch central government, a leadership coach and an affiliate of The School for Transition.

Riet Fiddelaers-Jaspers, PhD., is a trainer and grief therapist. She a is a pioneering author in the field of attachment, loss and grief and an affiliate of the Expertise Centre for Coping with Loss.

‘As human beings seeking footing in our family, work and social worlds, we stand and walk on shifting sand. And so, as the authors of this remarkably lucid and insightful book argue, we need to find grounding in the secure bases provided across the course of a lifetime by people, pastimes, projects and professions that both provide a safe haven from life’s inevitable storms and that challenge us to meet loss and opportunity with courage in the pursuit of greater meaning and calling. Rich in real-life illustrations, chock-full of practical strategies, and deeply wise in its integration of our unique histories as relational beings, The Craft of the Secure Base Coach offers a trove of principles and procedures for living with greater clarity and competence in our personal and professional lives. Read it for yourself and read it for the people and organizations you serve. I can guarantee that it will repay your investment.'

Robert A. Neimeyer, PhD, Author of Living Beyond Loss and Director, Portland Institute for Loss and Transition

‘In increasingly turbulent times, the ability to create the conditions where people can thrive is vital. To do this, one needs to cultivate secure base spaces where caring, daring and sharing is the norm. I highly recommend this book. It provides a powerful and practical guide to secure base work at both the personal and professional level, nurturing mind, body and spirit.'

Dr. Susan Goldsworthy, OLY, IMD Business School Professor and Co-author of award winning books: Care to Dare, Choosing Change and Where the Wild Things Were

‘This is an exceptional book that gets at the heart of coaching--learning how to be present and listen deeply, attuning to ourselves and others, and most importantly, focusing on our intention to walk alongside clients and provide them with a solid foundation as they navigate change and transition in their lives. Every section offers compelling examples, thoughtful reflections, and unique insights. This is a must-have volume that will prove invaluable to coaches and helpers from all backgrounds.'

Darcy Harris, RN, RSW, MEd(Couns), PhD, FT, Professor, Thanatology Department King’s University College at Western University

‘An essence of the coaching profession is that it is about the love that we feel and the power of love to overcome fear and provide direction. Without that love, we lose curiosity about our clients' unruly inner world with its sun and shadow sides. Change takes place in a loving relationship. The craft of the secure-base coach provides profound and practical pointers to build truly loving relationships. This book makes your self-care as a coach as important as the care you offer your clients. A wonderful piece of work and guidance for the profession.'

Erik de Haan, Director of the Hult Ashridge Centre for Coaching and Professor of Organizational Development at the VU University Amsterdam

‘The Craft of the Secure Base Coach is an essential manual for coaches who aspire to facilitate transformational change within individuals, teams, and organizations. Through a masterful blend of theoretical insights, real-world case studies, and practical tools, this book empowers coaches to establish themselves as a 'secure base'—a pivotal source of inspiration and stability for clients navigating the complexities of personal and professional transitions. The authors guide readers through the nuanced layers of identity evolution, equipping them to support others in finding their anchor points amidst life's inevitable changes. Any coach committed to deepening their impact will find this book an invaluable resource for cultivating resilience and fostering growth in those they mentor.'

Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, The Thinkers50 #1 Executive Coach and New York Times bestselling author of The Earned Life, Triggers, and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

‘This is a very important and timely book. Intimacy is not a word you often hear in relation to coaching. But of course, as this book so eloquently and clearly explains, it is our earliest intimate relationships - our attachments - that create our inner map for all future relationships. We are finally beginning to grasp just how vital and foundational our capacity to bond with other humans and further, with our more-than-human world is to our thriving. This is the essence of interdependence, and without it we are lost. We will never find fulfilment, nor will we address the critical challenges facing us at a global level by going our separate and lonely ways. Indeed, the epidemic of loneliness in the world is the canary-in-the-coal mine: an indication that we have got things seriously wrong. The authors not only explain Attachment Theory, John Bowlby’s brilliant addition to the psychological lexicon, with great clarity, but illuminate how it shows up in coaching, how it informs the client-coach relationship and therefore a successful coaching partnership. The authors bring in neuroscience and case studies to link the cognitive with the physical, the theoretical with lived example. A richly rewarding must-read for the coach who wishes to develop and deepen their art.'

Hetty Einzig, Leadership Coach, author, Association for Coaching Director of Publications Strategy and Executive Editor, Coaching Perspective global magazine

‘The Craft of the Secure Base Coach - Enabling Transition needs to be on the shelf of every counselor and life coach. This book offers sound suggestions in assisting counselors and coaches in helping clients not only cope with transitions, however painful they may be, but to even grow and learn from such life-experiences. As a grief counselor, this book will be one of my most valued resources.'

Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, Senior Vice-President, The Hospice Foundation of America, Professor Emeritus, The Graduate School, The College of New Rochelle

‘Transitions are part of life. Helping individuals and teams navigate change is often overlooked or done poorly. Van Wielink and colleagues demonstrate a thoughtful and detailed command of the subject. The writing style is engaging and the authors provide numerous exercises that readers could readily incorporate into their armamentarium of skills. The book is highly relevant to counsellors, coaches, psychotherapists, mentors, team leaders, and managers wishing to be more effective in their practice.'

Lauren J. Breen, PhD, FT, Professor of Psychology, Curtin University, Australia

‘This masterpiece has evidently been written based on authentic self-reflection and research by the authors. Throughout the whole book you feel the focus on “walk the talk”. Throughout the book the loving, caring perspective combined at the same time with decisive daring questions for the secure base coach, form the basis of an abundantly clear message: all transitions, emotions and real, bold reflections form an opportunity to become more authentic and grow.'

Dr. An Hooghe, Professor of Psychology, Vrije Universiteit Brussel, Grief therapist, Marital and Family therapist

‘As I began reading this book, I noticed almost immediately that it evoked a visceral sense of bodily calm and wellbeing, as if affirming the truth of what is shared here. I am convinced this book represents an important and innovative contribution to coaching. Its integrative concepts and practices are an invitation to bring one’s whole self to this relational work, and it will stimulate those in the field to work in ways that are courageous, creative, and ethical.'

Dr. Reinekke Lengelle, Associate Professor of Interdisciplinary Studies, Athabasca University; award-winning author of Writing the self in Bereavement

‘In a world marked by unexpected loss, change, and transition, the authors skillfully explore the concept of safe harbors—those restorative spaces for mind, body, and spirit. Their work thoughtfully underscores the importance of these havens as an essential component of effective leadership. Any reader who appreciates the value of mutual support and understanding in their professional and personal relationships will find this book engaging and insightful.'

Phyllis Kosminsky, PhD, LCSW, FT, Adjunct Professor of Social Work at Fordham University, member of the International Working Group on Death, Dying and Bereavement

‘Transition is fundamental and natural to the human experience, yet many of us have not learned the craft of supporting ourselves and others through life transitions in a way that fosters adaptation and growth while honoring the losses that come with change. The authors of this book have enabled readers to become mindful of the power of the secure base while learning how to coach themselves and others through life's transitions.'

Dr. Jill A. Harrington, DSW, LCSW, Creator & Lead Editor, Superhero Grief: The Transformative Power of Loss

‘The Craft of the Secure Base Coach is a transformative guide that transcends traditional coaching approaches, offering a holistic and profound perspective on coaching in times of transition. Whether you are a seasoned coach seeking new insights or a novice looking to deepen your practice, this book is a must-read for anyone committed to fostering growth, resilience, and transformation in themselves and others.'

Sally Mounir, APACS-certified psychotherapist and counsellor who has obtained a Graduate Diploma in Psychotherapy and Counselling from The School of Positive Psychology

‘At its beginning, this new book by Jakob van Wielink and colleagues sets the scene for the management of transition – ‘every new beginning of any kind starts with saying goodbye’. The challenge of life change is that we are not always responsible for its reasons and yet, must respond to its consequences. We find ourselves negotiating complex and sometimes traumatic transitions at times of loss, grief, and isolation. To embrace a new life, we need to let go of an old life that may no longer nourish us. Those who are fortunate realize that they cannot undertaken the transition journey alone and need the wisdom of coaching to formulate strategies for a healthy and sustainable life change.

This new book brings together the art and science of coaching practice. Using concrete case studies exemplars which will resonate with practitioners, as well as self-reflection exercises, the varied and stimulating content will provide a robust framework for the coaching practitioner to be secure in their own base, as they strive to reach out and support others. Given the real-world challenges that people face in contemporary life, this book is a welcome and vital resource for the professional coaching community, exploring our innate humanity through a carefully scripted and dynamic resource for daily practice.'

Philip Larkin, Chair, International workgroup on Death, Dying and Bereavement, Kristian Gerhard Jebsen Chair of Palliative Care Nursing, Palliative and Supportive Care Service, University Hospital of Lausanne, University of Lausanne, Switzerland.

‘In The Craft of the Secure Base Coach, Van Wielink and his colleagues do a masterful job of synthesizing the literature on attachment, attunement, bonding, resilience, loss, grief, meaning and calling during times of transition to present a practical and compassionate book that will be invaluable. Integrating theory with numerous case studies, graphics, practical exercises, somatic integration, important points to take away and self-reflection for the reader in every chapter, these authors entice the practitioner to learn, reflect, integrate and develop new techniques in their practice. A Must-Read for coaches and therapists.'

Mary L.S. Vachon, RN, RP, PhD, Registered Psychotherapist in Private Practice, Adjunct Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Temerty Faculty of Medicine, University of Toronto

‘This seminal book recognizes change as inevitable, emphasizing the presence of loss in every transition. It offers practical tools to help establish secure and supportive relationships with clients navigating challenging times. By unpacking the losses they experience, it aims to facilitate a smoother transition process and foster resilience.'

Dr. Heidi Horsley, Executive Director - Open to Hope Foundation, Adjunct Professor - Columbia University

‘This remarkable group from the Netherlands recognizes that we live more or less wisely, not more or less scientifically. The craft of coaching of which they write is really grief counselling that both supports grievers as they experience the particular painful reactions that come over them in the wake of unwelcome changes in the world as they experience it and that aligns with grievers in seeking wisdom necessary for moving through transitions that require relearning how to live in response to those changes. Its combination of clear and compelling writing, substantial wisdom, wonderfully illustrative case studies, exercises for counselling settings, and self-reflections for counsellors makes it, on my view, must reading.'

Thomas Attig, author of How We Grieve: Relearning the World (Revised, 2011: Oxford University Press)